Social Media Message December 19, 2023

Dear Cam, 

Today, I had this urge to walk where you walked, to listen for your voice in the wind, to see the world through your eyes. Where did you go? Just imagining your last steps, the final moments before you were no longer here with us… it’s just too much. Not today, my boy, but one day soon, I feel like you’ll let me know when I’m ready to follow those steps, to see what you saw.

There’s this quote I keep thinking about: “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.”. It’s a reminder, I guess, that I need to find strength in myself before I can really start to understand or make peace with your journey. It’s hard, though, because all I want is to feel close to you again, to understand.

But maybe part of this journey, part of being able to walk your path and truly hear you, is making sure I’m okay first. It feels a bit like trying to find my way in the dark, but I know it’s what I need to do. For me, for you, for our family. It’s not about moving on, but moving forward with you in my heart, learning to live with this emptiness in a way that maybe, someday, won’t hurt quite so much.

So, I’ll take it one step at a time, trying to fill my own cup, so that I can pour out love and memories without feeling like I’m about to break. And when the time’s right, I’ll walk your path, I’ll listen, and maybe I’ll understand a bit more about your last moments, your last thoughts.

Until then, I’ll keep you close, talking to you, sharing with you, and hoping that you’re somewhere, watching over us, guiding us. 

With all my love,
Mom

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